Who'd have guessed that fast food, the ambrosia of lazy men everywhere, would find a way to get even lazier with the arrival of the new year? Last week, Burger King enthusiasts were all given reason to do a happy dance (from the couch): News broke that the McDonald's competitor was officially starting delivery service in D.C., with goals of expansion depending on the response. Hey, the point of fast food has always been to provide customers the luxury of effort-free meals—now, junk foodies will additionally be spared the effort of heading out the door to score that Whopper Jr. Not bad!
That said, BK is far from the first company to encourage us to have it our way sans finger-lifting. Over the years, advancements in technology have made it easier and easier for us to travel without moving—or avoid leaving the couch at all. From super practical to the super ridiculous, we decided to spare you some grunt work and present you with a list of our favorites. Before you, The 10 Greatest Inventions For Lazy People.
Written by Lauren Otis (@LaurNado)
10. Crowdmug App
Sick of shelling out for bar covers only to discover that they're completely abandoned—or worse, swarming with dudes and no redeemable females? This app was made for you, cousin. If surveying scenes live and in person has proved to be a letdown to you and your entourage one too many times, you can opt to invest that same cash (probably more) to get photos and real-time video of all your prospective stops for the night. The app will submit your request to the crowd, and those out at your bar of choice can respond and make what's got to be some of the easiest money of their lives.
Or you could, you know, just leave the house.
Motorized Ice Cream Cone
9. Motorized Ice Cream Cone
For days when you're feeling a little too beat (or self-important) to deal with the hassle that goes into polishing off an ice cream cone (uh...moving your mouth?), novelty gift company Perpetual Kid has a solution for you. For $9.99, these rotating Motorized Ice Cream Cone contraptions will eliminate all the grunt work. Merely turn it on and stick out your tongue. [Insert "That's What She Said" joke here.]
Gmail's "Canned Responses"
8. Gmail's "Canned Responses"
Breaking up is hard to do. So is responding to emails. Those that don't have the patience for either, or wish to save themselves some serious copying and pasting, can turn to Gmail's "Canned Responses" to act as their personal secretary. All one has to do is head over to Gmail Labs, scribe their message of choice and save it. From there, a simple click will allow you to send it to anyone, anytime.
We'd just advise proceeding with caution, especially where names are concerned—the last thing you want is a schmaltzy email to your lady addressing the wrong girl.
Wanna score Skrillex's 'do? If the scene with the "Suck-Cut" in Wayne's World doesn't put you off—and you can get past the fact that the site looks like it hasn't been updated since 1992—you may possess the balls required to indulge in one of Flowbee's "professional haircuts at half the price(!)"
Here's how it works: You simply rig the device to your vacuum cleaner and attach the correct "spacer," depending on how many inches you're aiming to chop. After that? Prepare to drink in the compliments, friend. At least in designated areas of Brooklyn.
Fresh air on your face...open road ahead of you...pedestrians pointing and laughing at how doofy you look—what better way is there to get moving on a Saturday afternoon than on one of these emasculating two-wheelers? (We can actually brainstorm quite a few.) Sure, people might hate on smart cars, but it's hard to think of a more ridiculous mode of travel than Segway. At least while driving, you're (barely) exercising a foot.
(Literal) Butter Stick
5. (Literal) Butter Stick
Better not confuse this with your cocoa butter. You might end up looking like one of those "before" shots in the Proactiv ads.
Asahi Robocco BeerBot
4. Asahi Robocco BeerBot
It's happened to the best of us: running to the kitchen in the middle of a big match to grab another tallboy, then hustling back to the couch just in time to hear that you've missed the game-making play. Well, the Asahi Robocco BeerBot can thankfully ensure that this never happens again. One only need plant what looks like R2D2's alcohol-toting cousin on a surface close to the couch, then wait for the beer pangs to kick in. The bot not only stores and refrigerates up to six brews in its belly, but it'll even open and pour a round for you and your crew.
We'd just try not to make it mad, or it'll probably break a bottle over your head or something.
3. iWavecube 600-Watt Personal Desktop Microwave Oven
Now that booze is covered, it's about time you found a suitable alternative for those Tombstone Pizza-heating missions, taking precious, precious time away from those HBO marathons. Enter iWavecube 600, a portable desktop microwave that affords buyers the option of never having to venture away from their TV screens (or laptops) to chef up a hot meal. Let the descent into obesity begin!
2. Self-Lacing Sneakers
In the event you didn't have an extra $37,500 to spare to get your hands on a pair of the coveted 2011 Nike Air Mags, fear not; it isn't too late for you to live out your Back To The Future dreams with self-lacing kicks. In 2010, the inventive Blake Bevin showcased a pair that might just rival Marty McFly's. Thanks to an Arduino microcontroller and pressure sensitive plates, the sneaks detect when someone has stepped into them, and the laces are pulled tight to fit. "Great Scott!"
1. Selfy the EasyBed
Mmm, nothing to brighten your morning like a Selfy—bed, that is. With this innovative sleepspace, conceived by Enrico Berruti, you'll never again have to spend your waking moments bitterly thrusting your blankets into place: A few fasteners, attached to rails on either side of the bed, spread and tuck in your sheets, hooking you up with a cama just like mommy used to make.
No word yet on when an accompanying pillow fluffer and crumb remover will be dropping, but we remain hopeful.