Failure to Launch

Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas

This is the greatest marriage proposal fail ever for a few reasons. First, since this is the televised feed we have actual commentary from sportscasters—not a good idea. When a couple of ex-jocks have airtime to fill and the subject is not sports, you never know what they'll say. So one says that "of course" she will say yes, while the other throws out, just for the sake of banter, that he'd like for her to say no. And then they attempt to figure out what is going on in those tense crucial seconds with all the professionalism they bring to speculating on the severity of a groin injury.

The capper, though, is that the bride has to walk past the team mascot, Clutch the Rocket Bear, who gives her major 'tude. He's all "What's up with that?" Right on, Clutch.


No thanks, I'm just fine on my island.